July 27, 2014

Questions...

"When am I going to see daddy?"
"I don't know, my love." I answered her. 
"Why?" She questioned back. 
"Because I'm just not sure."
"Well, why doesn't he want to see me?" 

At this point is when my heart broke into two and I searched for the right words to say. But I didn't know what to tell her. I couldn't possibly say to her "I'm sorry sweetheart but the man who is suppose to be your father is selfish and just doesn't understand what he's missing out on. It has nothing to do with you. It's me he hates and unfortunately he takes it out on you." 

Instead I responded in a silly voice "but want to see you!"...and I got my eyes so close to her belly so that I could blow on it and tickle her. Her hysterical giggles replaced the questions, leaving me to dodge without an answer...for now.

July 26, 2014

This is what you've missed

Dear Ex,

So it's been over a month or so since we've last seen or heard from you (with the last visit only lasting an hour). Your sporadic visits and/or phone calls are getting far and few between....you're really missing out on so much which is sad because the time flies by.

You're missing out on watching her learn, watching her grow, just being here for her.

You're missing the funny things she says, missing how when she gets mad her nose crinkles up, missing all her love.

In only the past couple months you've missed out on this...






You've missed all of these seconds, these minutes, these days, these moments. That you can never get back. 

She will never be this age again. There will never be a five year old Emma who is obsessed with dancing or Disney princesses. You will never get to relive her sitting at the dinner table asking questions about dinosaurs or talking about her day at preschool.

Sometimes I'm sad for her that you're not here for her the way a father should be but then I remember that I am. I am here and I'm experiencing and appreciating all these moments with her. The moments that you don't think are important enough or worth being around for. I am here for her and that's all that matters.


July 24, 2014

Single moms find love series- Part 4

Today we have another Single Mom Finds Love post from the lovely Emi. Read how she met a single dad and they've combined into one big happy family. 

When my daughter’s dad and I had Dahlia I thought everything was going how I wanted it to. Cue his sudden need to be a frat boy as soon as we got home from the hospital and 6 months later I moved back home with my parents. Not part of the plan.

I dated a few guys but nothing was working out. Online dating was annoying and I was sick of the creepy responses from guys twice my age and I wasn’t big into going out and meeting a stranger. My best friend from preschool, Eric was coming home from Japan where he was stationed in the Air Force and I convinced my mom to babysit for a night and decided to meet up with him at a bar, and the complete opposite of what you assume happened did. My friend ended up ditching me for some girls. I was about to leave but a group of people who are regulars started talking to me. Apparently my “friend’s” best friend, Ryan is part of that group and that’s why they were there that night. We started talking nerdy, (Doctor Who) and Ryan overheard and was super excited because of my love of nerd shows and then we figured out our kids were only 2 months apart. We became Facebook friends that night and he asked for my number the next day. We started dating a few weeks later. We quickly introduced the kids, something I never did but they became fast friends and that gave us more reason to hang out so often. I didn’t think I wanted to date someone with kids. I had tried it and it just didn’t seem to work out because these “weekend dads” didn’t realize a full time single mom couldn’t go out whenever they wanted. But Ryan has his son almost every day and I love that. It was much easier for us to understand each other when we experienced the same parenting issues. 

Fast forward 6 months later and we just moved into our first apartment and things are going great. I really didn’t think that I would be here now but I’m so happy with the way things worked out. And even better, my ex and Ryan get along great, we occasionally do dinner or meet up and get ice cream. That helps things as well because I’m not worried about my ex starting issues because I’m dating or he doesn’t like who I’m dating. It took a lot of life lessons and learning to be alone before I quit looking for someone and just let it happen. Everyone told me that when I stopped looking I would find someone and I never believed them until it actually happened. Who knew they’d all be right?




If you missed the other posts in the Single Moms Find Love Series check them out here:
Part 1 
Part 2 
Part 3

If you're a single mother that found love and would like to share your story here please email me at tanpes17@gmail.com 

July 07, 2014

I'm a Single Mom...what's your Super Power??




When I became a single mom, almost instantly I developed these super mom powers that helped me to get through my everyday life. Powers like super strength that help me to carry 10 bags of groceries up to my second floor apartment with my wiggling toddler on my hip or multitasking powers that allow me to cook dinner, clean a spill, kiss a boo-boo, and put the laundry away all while weaving around toys and a running child. Oh and speaking of kissing boo-boos, everyone knows a mother’s kiss has magical healing powers that can make a toddlers tears disappear immediately. You can’t forget adrenaline powers that leave us super moms capable of completing an endless to-do list on countless nights of no sleep or enough energy to keep up with a bouncing 5 year old.  Super moms are also known to have supersonic hearing that lets us hear a thud from yards away, a cry in the middle of the night, or the ability to hear when trouble is brewing…especially if it’s in the form of silence. With all of these amazing super mom powers it’s hard to believe that we are anything but heroes, yet there is still one power I wish I had.

The power of time travel.

And no, not to go back and change anything or to erase any mistakes or bad choices I may have made. Every choice I have made in my life has helped me to grow, make me stronger and has brought me to where I am today. I want to be able to travel in time whenever I wish because life passes by so quickly. When my daughter was first born I was warned “it’ll fly by”, and it really is true. I can’t believe how quickly she grows. I wish I had the super power to be able to travel back and hold my little newborn baby just for a moment, to relive her first steps, the excitement I felt when I heard her say “mama”, or to fly back in time to watch her first recital whenever I want. I wish I could use my time travel powers every time I want to feel her baby fat legs, squeeze her chubby cheeks, hold her tiny little hands, cuddle in bed with my little two year old, or watch my little four year old dance in circles around me. It all goes by so fast….I wish I could just relive all the moments over and over again. And then return right back into the present so I can continue making more memories and experiences together.


This post was prompted by one of Mama Kat's writing prompt questions of the week: "If you could have any supermom power, what would it be?"