April 24, 2014

Theme Song Thursday

"But now I get if he don't wanna, Love you the right way he ain't gonna, It ain't where he's at it's, where he, Where he wanna be.....If he ain't gonna love you, The way he should, Then let it go, If he ain't gonna treat you, The way he should, Then let it go.....Just Kick em all straight to the curb like Beckham..."

April 20, 2014

Should single parents stick together?

I've never really dated a single dad...well, I had my quick run-in with "Boho" but that was a weird situation and I'm just going to pretend it never happened. So like I said...I've never dated a single dad. But I'm starting to think that as a single mother dating a fellow single parent might just be the way to go.

My main problem when it comes to dating is my single mom lifestyle is not conducive to building a meaningful relationship and many guys I've dated did not get this. It's not their fault since they've never experienced being a parent but they just don't understand the demands or stress of parenthood. So maybe what I need is someone who understands a single parents situation, someone like...a single dad.

Here are my thoughts on why dating a single dad might be the better route to go...

-Maybe dating a single dad will put all dating conundrums to rest because he will be dealing with the exact same things...so at least we can face these challenges together.

-Sometimes I worry what a guy might think about dating someone who has a child but if he has one too, then it just makes it easier, right?

-If he's a dad he's more likely looking for a long-term partner than the young-childless-commitment-phobic guys. 

-If it ends up getting serious and our kids (who happen to be around the same age) get along we can turn into a happily blended family. I'm not just fantasizing this really does happen, right? I mean c'mon look at the Brady Bunch.

-Supposedly studies have shown that single dads are more sensitive to women, especially if they have little girls of their own. It makes sense. When you find a guy who's nurturing and sensitive to his child, he's most likely going to be more nurturing and sensitive to the woman he's dating.

-When you have a child you become more responsible and are forced to grow up so a single dad might be more mature than his childless counterparts.

-What's more attractive then a sexy guy who's a loving dad?!

What are your thoughts on this...do you think is it better for single moms to date single dads? 

April 17, 2014

The Game

I was quick to blame it all on everything else. Blame my lack of time. Blame the fact that I had a daughter. Blame my single mom lifestyle. Blame the ex. Blame the guys I was dating. And while some of this all may have played into it slightly, the real reason was that...I was the one to blame.

I pointed fingers but in all the wrong direction.

You see the thing is the whole time I was playing the game all wrong. I recently read this book written by Steve Harvey called Act like a Lady, Think Like a Man and its given me an entirely new perspective. I've been setting myself up for disaster right from the start...in more ways than one. And it has nothing to do with my single mom status like I had initially thought. I worried I would never settle down into a serious relationship because no man would want to date a single mom. But really it's not that...it's just me and how I've been playing the game.

According to Steve Harvey when it comes to men and the dating game there are certain rules that need to be followed in the playbook in order to win the game. A woman needs to do things like setting certain standards and expectations, his 90-day rule, and requiring him to treat you like a lady. The way he explains it is men are a lot like children, when you set clear boundaries and what you expect of them then they're more willing to follow through. When you show that you respect yourself then they will respect you, too. You need to be a strong independent woman but you also need to let them take care of you. This book (which I highly recommend reading) has given me such new-found insight, confidence, and strength that I'm more than ready to "take on the next player" with what I've learned and see if any of it really rings true.

The old me was weak, confused and was unsure of what I really wanted. I did not express my needs and wants because I wasn't even 100% sure of what that exactly was. But now after thinking about it I'm a little more sure of myself, I know how to approach the dating game and I know what I want.

I know what I bring to the table so trust, I'm not afraid of eating alone. No more settling for anything less than a true gentleman who is going to treat me like a lady. I want doors opened for me. I want respect. I want maturity. I want loyalty and honesty. I want celibacy. I want to get to know each other on an emotional not physical level. What I don't want is to be treated like a plaything.

They say don't hate the player, hate the game. But now that I've got my hands on the playbook, I'm in control of this game.